Page 1 of Friday Funny.......................remember those.

An Irish lad has got £500,000. Chris Tarrant asks him the big question for 1 million quid. "Paddy, for £1million, who was the great train robber?


Was it,


A, Ronnie Barker...


B, Ronnie O`Sullivan...


C, Ronnie Corbett or..was it


D, Ronnie Biggs???"


Paddy say`s..."Oi`ll take de money please Chris" Chris reminds him that he still has his 3 life lines left. Paddy again say`s.."Nope, Oi`ll take de money please Chris"
"You don`t want to phone a friend?" says Chris. "No t`anks, Oi`ll take de money - foinal answer"


"OK" says Chris, looking bemused "give him a round of applause ladies and gentlemen, Paddy goes away with £500,000. However before you go, you`ll
obviously want to know what the answer was Paddy?"


Paddy said "No, yer alroight, Oi knew de answer anyway, t`anks Chris" "You knew it anyway!....are you mad!!!" asks Chris, "Are you mental?"

Paddy says, "Oi moight be mental Chris....but Oi`m no feckin grass!


Pete

OK you`ve probably heard if b4 but if nothing else it hopefully raised a laugh - it did with me :D

How many egomaniacs does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?

One, but they don`t unscrew it - they just hold it still and let the world revolve around them.

julianf

Bloke goes into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm & says "Darling, this is the pig I root when you`ve got a headache"

Wife says to him "Look again, I think you`ll find that`s a sheep"

Bloke replies "I think you`ll find that I wasn`t talking to you!"

...................................
Dyslexics have more fnu.

Whats the male definition of embarassing?

Running into a wall with an erection on breaking your nose first.

Who said men don`t have a sensitive side?

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they
end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment,
she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly
teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,
cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous
bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy
bears, especially one that`s so extensive, but she decides not to
mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive
side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other`s clothes
off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are
lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks,
smiling, "Well, how was it?"


The guy says..






(scroll down it`s a beauty)

















"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her, caress her,
love her, stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.


HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked.
Bring food.