Page 1 of Trouble & Strife...

Hi all... after your opinion here...

Basically, a few weeks ago, the wife was on the PC, looking at her facebook, I walked in and spotted a load of messages in her inbox from some bloke, full of kisses and all sorts of other stuff. I asked her what it was, she got all defensive, said `what does it matter, I`ve known him ages` and closed the window rather quickly... and she`s also quite cagey with her phone.

Feeling a bit uneasy at her response, I was a bit sneaky (and I`d understand if you thought of me as a bit of a psycho, possessive weirdo at this point), I turned on the message recording on her MSN. Hadn`t looked at it since, thought I`d give it a bit of time first, but took a peek last night.

Turns out they`re planning on meeting up in the summer to go for a meal, a drink etc. He`s been very suggestive towards her, made his intentions quite clear, and while she`s been less obvious about it, she has made suggestions to him, and done nothing to discourage him.

She makes absolutely no mention of me in any of her conversations, when he asks what she`s been up to etc, she talks about the things we`ve done together (taken the kids swimming, to the park, watched a film etc) but leaves me out of it.

I actually wish I hadn`t read it now, though I`m glad I know about it, but it`s really playing on my mind now.

But what do I do? At the end of the day, I know I was wrong for saving her messages n stuff, but then again I only did it because she roused my suspicions in the first place. She was doing the same sort of thing a few years ago, thought she might have learnt that time but obviously not.

In the same situation, how would you approach it?
I`m half tempted to just leave her chat logs open on the screen one morning before I go to work, and let her realise herself that I know all about it. Alternatively, he gave her his number on MSN...

I`ve got absolutely no doubt as to his motives. Just dunno how to deal with it.

Any suggestions?
Cheers

Talk to her.

I know its hard (i went through a very similar thing) but just sit down alone and talk. Ask her questions without telling her what you have done and give her chance to come clean. Try not to get the arse with her and stay calm (again very hard).

It may just be that she enjoys the attention and does not intend to take it any further. Spoil her and show her how much she means to you.

Work things out.

Good luck.

The Jackal

Difficult one mate.

I personally wouldn`t admit to turning on the chat logs. Since there was a similar case in the US and it didn`t end well.

I strongly believe that the most important thing in any relationship is communication.
You need to sit down with your wife and talk this through (without mentioning the chat logs though).

I don`t envy you, but I wish you luck with it.

"Build a man a fire, and he`ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he`ll be warm for the rest of his life."
-Terry Pratchett.

Cheers.
I want to turn the chat logs off... but feel while I can see what`s going on, I`ve got a bit more control over the situation.

Chances are she has no intention of taking it any further.
Her Dad never let her have friends when she was growing up, she doesn`t really know how to socialise, and has a lot of friends online, I think she finds it easier. I don`t wanna turn around and say `I want you to stop talking to your friend`, that`s not what it`s about. She`s known the guy for years, this could`ve been going on a lot longer than I know.

I might see how things go for now, see if she gives him the brush off, and put a stop to it if it gets any heavier.

Ring him and say that you know where he lives and if he continues trying to f*** your wife, you will burn his house down.

Quote:
Ring him and say that you know where he lives and if he continues trying to f*** your wife, you will burn his house down.

I had also considered this approach. Not sure it`d do any good though. Chances are, I`m not the only one whose wife he`s trying to f***, would probably just confuse him.

Well, its your call.

In my experience, its almost always what you think it is and the longer you leave it, the longer he has to be a mysterious, charming bastard, while you contribute ever more to her humdrum married life.

I sincerely hope it`s just a bit of harmless chatting. Maybe this bloke is an old college friend of her`s? Or an ex neighbour? You`ll only find out by simply talking to her. How you bring the subject up about this fella is up to you but keep it calm and collected. Maybe wait and give her the chance to mention this other bloke.

As you have stated maybe it`s just a bit of attention seeking on her part as she didn`t have many childhood friends? I`m pretty sure if it came to the crunch your missus would not agree to meet up with him.

www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=569747553

Quote:
Ring him and say that you know where he lives and if he continues trying to f*** your wife, you will burn his house down

Would concur nip this in the bud now

Sounds like your wife is getting carried away because someone else is paying her attention

You need to talk to your wife and see why she`s doing this

This is happened with my missus about 6 months ago although it was done through her mobile phone, in no certain terms told her to cease all comms with this other guy or I`d find out where he lived and kick off as he was married as well

I`m afraid this sounds like its happened to a few of us.

Same here a year ago. Getting lots of texts and sending lots.
Turned out it was the local PC (not computer) he`s married with kids.
Nothing happened but he was trying to get his leg over.

I couldn`t help but kick off at her. I walked.
Came back an hour later to find her texting. Not me to find how I was or where i was but him to say they`d been found out.

Said i`d call his wife and tell her what he was doing (chances are she probably knew)

We`re still trying to work through things now a year later (after all the things that have happened inbetween)

If it ever happens again then that will be it.

I suggest talking it through and if she realises what she`s been doing.
How many other women is he trying to romance?
Then if it doesn`t work - ruin his life.
Sorry i`m bitter and twisted.


I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i`m dying are the best i`ve ever had.