Review for The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence
In an American jail a mad Prison Warden, Bill Boss is trying to figure out a way to deal with his unruly population. He tries various ways of torture, such as castration, waterboarding with boiling water and just out and out violence, but none of it is working. After a visit from the Governor he has two weeks to change things around. His assistant Dwight comes up with an idea after seeing the two Human Centipede films: Put all the prisoners in one long Prisoner Centipede and this will deter them from ever committing a crime again.
This seems like an obvious idea, but what it leads to is a mess of a film with Writer/Director Tom Six finishing the trilogy he began in 2009 on a bum note. Pun intended.
Where do I start? I mean where? First up, this is an awful film. Not because it is disgusting (though it is), not because it is shocking (it isn't if you have seen the other two), but because it is unwatchable. I defy anyone who can find any kind of enjoyment out of this film. Stars Dieter Laser as Bill Boss and Laurence Harvey as Dwight are totally incompetent in their roles and the more I watched the more I thought 'Where they directed to be this bad, or are they just this bad?' As the stars of the previous two films, it could be argued they did their jobs passably. Laser was creepy as the Dr Heiter from the first, as was Harvey in the second, but in this film they are awful and I am baffled as to what accent Harvey was trying to attempt.
It is sad that Six will probably put on the cover 'starring Academy Award Nominee Eric Roberts'. I was stunned to see him appear and I can only assume he had some bills that he had to pay. Six even makes an appearance as himself which is so meta my head hurts and I am guessing he thought it would be clever... but it wasn't. The only two highlights are the insanely gorgeous Bree Olsen as Boss's secretary who spends most of the film bouncing cleavage around. The other is Clayton Rohner as the naïve doctor charged with creating the centipede.
My worry with this film, as was the case with the previous two, was that people will watch out of curiosity. People will think 'I just need to see what it's like'. But please take my warning when I say, DON'T. I am not being prudish and saying you don't want to watch this film because it is disgusting or horrifying. I am telling you not to watch it because it is a bad film. This is the kind of bad filmmaking that Tommy Wiseau makes fun of. This is the kind of filmmaking that makes the first two look like masterpieces. This is not a good thing and this is not a film I would wish on my worst enemy.
Extras are simply an alternate ending, which is more like the scraps Six found from the first film and doesn't really connect to this film in anyway. There is also a 'Making of' which is more a mishmash of behind the scenes footage with interviews and looks at how the film was made. This does not give you any real insight into how this film was made or why and the only highlight is the gorgeous Bree Olsen showing us around the sets.
The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence is a bad film. Not bad like the first film which was just shocking and dull, not bad like the second film which was just disgusting and confusing, but a new kind of bad. It seems like Tom Six forgot what made those two films notorious and didn't even try with this one. Though that would assume he was trying in the first place. Avoid this film. You will thank me.