The Eyes Have It

It's just a week since a Croatian blonde gave me a black eye.

Let me put that in context - it's a week since one of the doctors at the maxillo-facial unit of Blackpool Victoria Hospital carried out a skin tag on a small growth I had at the corner of my right eye. Two injections of local anaesthetic in the lid and orbit of the eye, then they were shaved off. All over in ten minutes, no dressing required and I staggered out of the unit with a tube of antibiotic with a corker of a black eye that's only just starting to go down.

I'd been expecting to have the growth - a papilloma like a little mushroom made of skin about the size of a match head - frozen or tied off. I'd had one tied off a few years ago by my GP, but apparently this one was too close to the eye. Didn't feel a thing after the local jab - just a bit of pressure from rubber-gloved fingers as the two doctors worked. Even when the feeling came back, the worst was a slight stinging.

"You might get a bit of bruising," she said. And how. I look like I'm wearing Egyptian eyeliner on my right eye. And the whole thing started when my optician pointed at Lumpy and said "Do you want me to sort out a referral to get rid of that thing?" And I said "Yes, please."